Friendships Change And That's Okay
It’s 6 pm on a Friday and I get a text from my best friend “Want to grab dinner tonight?” I sit there and pause for a moment debating how to respond. Sure, I would love to get dinner. That sounds magical, but it also seems and IS impossible. I am currently sitting on my couch nursing my newborn baby, covered in spit up, exhausted from lack of sleep, and in sweats that I have been wearing for 4 days in a row. So, yes, I do WANT to go to dinner but reality is, it's just not going to happen.
I politely break the news to her that I am not able to make it. I get no response back. A few days later I hear from her “I don’t understand why you can’t just leave the baby at home and come get dinner with me like we used to." I am shocked. Well, besides the fact that my baby was just born a few weeks ago and nurses constantly. I am just not in the mental space to go out on a moments notice to a dinner that will drag on for 3 hours while we talk about your dating life.
Before I had my daughter, I always said that my friendships would not change after I had a baby. Well, let me tell ya, that's just not possible. Your friendships will absolutely change. Even if you have supportive friends that have grown up with loads of nieces and nephews, work at a daycare, or are studying to be a doula, they will not and cannot understand the dramatic change in your life.
For one, the freedom to do whatever & whenever is absolutely out the window. Life just isn’t like that anymore. Your days are more scheduled and you are needed on a whim by a little cute human that you created. The minute you think you can step away, the baby will puke, spike a fever, or have an absolute meltdown. That is just how parenthood works.
Not only that, but your days will be filled with screaming, poop, spit up, and pure exhaustion. So, when you DO see your friends without kiddos, they will want to tell you all about their life and the hard day they had at work because someone ate the last turkey sandwich at the meeting they went to. You will look at them and want to stab them with a fork. The only meals you will be getting are cold scraps from the fridge between screams. You will want to empathize with their long day in the office but you are thinking to yourself, “at least you aren’t covered in poop because there is a good chance I am.”
As much as you love your friends and desire to see them, when you do get a free moment, you are going to want to sleep, shower, and maybe take a second to have an adult conversation with your significant other.
So, yes, your friendships WILL change and it may not be forever, but it will be for a while. There is no way around it. And know that if they are good friends, they will be patient, understanding, flexible, and hopefully make wine deliveries on demand. You will also find your tribe of other moms that have the same look of exhaustion. You will soon have new friendships with moms that get what you are going through. This doesn’t make your old friendships any less important, just maybe a little different for the meantime. And also know that even though your life has changed, your world will be filled with so much love and baby snuggles making it SO worth every missed shower, meal, and night of sleep.
By Alexa Hasman, Owner & Instructor of Baby Boot Camp Portland (NW & SW), OR